Hitchens, the Fish Out of Water

Through Michael Totten I came across this Slate article by Christopher Hitchens that, like so much of his post-9/11 writing misses the mark in its broad generalizations and strawmen. The article is ostensibly about secularism and I really think that he shows that he is a fish out of water with this comment:

I'll take a modest, God-fearing, deer-hunting Baptist from Kentucky every time, as long as he didn't want to impose his principles on me (which our Constitution forbids him to do).

Well if the strawman choice is between that and a murderous jihadist, who wouldn't?

Having lived in the conservative south for just about my entire childhood, I think that it might be worthwhile for Hitchens to actually live there for a while.

A couple of cases in point:

My sister's senior year high school boyfriend was a Jewish teenager named Brian Reinbolt. When Brian was in the third grade in Alabama, long after the SCOTUS decision forbidding the teaching of religion in public schools, he had a teacher who insisted that the students memorize a verse from the New Testament. Brian, being an obedient student and like most eight year olds, not well-versed in the basics of constitutional law went ahead and memorized a verse from a religion that was not the one he practiced, but one the theocratic teacher insisted he learn.

Even at age eight Brian was a bit of a wag, so he chose a verse from the Gospel According to St. John, Chapter 11, Verse 35 which is as follows: "Jesus wept." I wonder what the public reaction would have been if the teacher were Moslem, Hindu, Buddhist or Jewish and made the request from one of their holy books?

In 1980 I worked for a little while in a freelance capacity for a company called John Bransby Productions making films for the US Army at Redstone Arsenal near Huntsville, AL. I worked with a soundman named Bill Olive who was deeply offended by the fact that I had a beard. After enduring a number of smart comments and below-the-breath mutterings, I finally got in his face and asked him what his problem was:

BO: "If God had intended for man to have beards he wouldn't have given him the wisdom to make razors."

RP: "I'm not so full of myself that I  presume to know what God intends."

BO: "I talk to God every day!"

RP: "So do I. He told me that you were a sanctimonious SOB and was not happy that you presume to know what he intends."

In the interest of full disclosure I am a regular mass-attending Roman Catholic (a religion that Hitchens makes a number of digs at in his piece). I have little doubt that there are people in my hometown who think I'm destined for an eternity of brimstone and damnation because of this, but I'll take my chances. My view of religion is much more ecumenical than many of the people I grew up with.

Do I believe that all Southerners or all Southern Baptists are like the two examples I cited? Of course not. My experience tells me otherwise. My family tells me otherwise. My mom has a cousin around her age named Charles Darwin Ward, a brave choice for a name not long after the Scopes Trial. The larger point is this: I believe that the world is a better place when religion remains a private aspect of one's life and doesn't come blazing into the public sphere. Of course I would prefer dealing with a Southern Baptist (even the thoughtlessly bigoted one who tried to sell me cable television once by saying "If you act now, we can jew them down on the price") than say Abu Zarqawi, Osama bin Laden or their ilk, but that's a false choice. If Hitchens is really comfortable with this, perhaps he should get a job in the Bush administration. I would love to see his reaction when he arrives at a meeting late and someone turns to him and says "missed you at Bible study."

Comments

[Michael J. Totten]

Randy,

The comparison wasn't between a Kentucky Baptist and a murderous jihadist, it was between a Kentucky Baptist and Michael Moore.

He does paint with too broad a brush, I agree. I noted that in my post, as well. He forgets his own colleagues at Slate who don't resemble Micheal Moore in any way.

[Someone]

Has Hitchens ever so much as VISITED the American South? I remember my first visit to Atlanta, for example, partly because of the fellow who drove the van from the airport to the hotel. He wanted to know what church I attended; when I told him I'm Jewish, he was fascinated, because, so he said, he'd never "met one of you people" before. He wanted to know, "do you people believe in our lord Jesus Christ?"

Just off a five-hour flight, and spokesman for my entire religion. And me barely out of my twenties.

Then, since I was staying through Sunday afternoon, he suggested that I should "fellowship with" him at his church. He came back to this three or four times en route, and the hotel was not a long way from the airport.

Bigoted? Not by my understanding of the word. Intrusive, maybe. I didn't exactly feel he liked the idea that I might live my life my own way, and I didn't really love it that he knew where to find me.

Beautiful country (spent a day outside of the city). Never saw earth so red. And I got back home still Jewish.

[Randy Paul]

Michael,

I didn't reaally get that impression from him at all. The point is that Hitchens I feel is really ignorant about the Bible Belt and that ignorance shows in his comments.

The president as a secularist? Hardly.

[Leah]

We've got to be related. I also have a great uncle named Charles Darwin Ward and we are from Alabama. I can hardly believe that there can be two from Alabama. I hope you'll message me back with some lineage or something.